a LITTLE perspective

Dave and I started our wedding planning this week - and it have been two emotional days. I have this BIG picture of "PRETTY" in my head and what I want that I think I kind of lost perspective of what it's all about.  

After some thinking and seeing this...

                                                                 ... I realised that this wedding is not really about the 'wow" factor or  having the most expensive stuff but it's about God and the people.

I think I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself for it to look nice and about what other people think and it's kind of swamped me. It's caused me to loose focus and get caught up in the "WOW this is crazy" instead of on God and trusting in Him and letting Him be my peace in all of this.  I also think I've gotten a little to much caught up in the wedding side of things - when I should be excited more excited about the marriage. Marriage is what the wedding is all about - it's God bring two people together forever. The wedding is just the party/celebration and shouldn't really be the focus. 

I don't doubt whatever Dave and I choose to day for our wedding won't be beautiful - we know too many people for it not to be, but the real beauty will be in God being VERY present at our wedding. And that's the most important part. 

xKx

What about the unreached?

I've always wondered what will happen to the people who don't know Jesus or of him because they are unreached. By "unreached" I mean, people who live in the mountains, forests and areas where they have never heard of Christianity and Jesus. Places where missionaries haven't been and the word of God hasn't been taken before.

Yesterday morning I was thinking about this and wondering if they will go to heaven - the bible is clear that you have to accept Jesus as your lord and saviour in your life. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life - John 3:16"  After I had this thought I sat down and has my quiet time and it was on Romans 10:5-21 and it was kind of like God was saying, I have the answer to your question.

Romans 10:20 says; "and Isaiah boldly says, "I was found by those who did not seek me; I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me"

What my basic understanding of this verse is that Isaiah is saying that God will reveal himself to people who don't seek him and ask for him. In other words, God is big enough to reveal who he is, how great, powerful and mighty he is to everyone - even people who don't know of him or know him. 

I think that even though there are thousands of unreached people out there, God is big enough to reveal who he is to them. I also believe he'll do it in a way that they will understand that it is Him.  I don't know if He'll send missionaries, random people, use creation, or have the vaguest idea of how He'll do it, but I believe that He will do it.

I also think we need to be praying for the unreached and that we're open to God sending us to them to bring His good news.

xKx

God is faithful even when it doesn't seem like it

A while ago a friend and I were chatting about God's promises and how we tell people that God always keeps His promises and is always faithful.  The reason this came up was because we were talking about a situation where a promise God had made to them had changed. It left us wondering, if the previous statement was true.. that God is always faithful and always keeps His promises.

Yesterday morning I was thinking about the Israelites and how God had promised that he would rescue them take them to the promised land.  He kept this promise, and took them to the promised land BUT it wasn't the generation that was given the promise.  So was God unfaithful to them? Did He break His promise? No, He kept His promise - the way the promise looked just changed.

So why did generation one of the Israelites not make it into the promised land? They sinned, they disobeyed God, they worried and moaned ALL the time.  God gave them chances and then the promise changed. Generation one never got to the promised land, but generation two did. God kept His promise but because of sin the way the promise looked changed.

How does this apply to us now a days since we're not generation one of the Israelites? The way I see it, God still gives us promises but sin, choices we make, other people involved make, etc can change the out come of that promise. God may promise us something, but we may do something, or something might happen and the original promise may not be applicable anymore, so God then works the best in that situation and a different outcome of the promise happens. It doesn't man that God hasn't kept His promise, it just changed. It doesn't mean that God isn't faithful, He is. The way it was meant to happen changed and God did something new - but He still works the good in the situation and completes what He said He will do, it just may look different to how we originally thought it would unfold.

xKx

A healed friendship

This evening I saw a friend of mine on the train, as we got off at Plumstead and started walking towards out houses we are talking about his recent break up. He was telling me how he it doesn't feel like the last time a relationship ended.  We both knew that he was talking about how we had to stop our "relationship" back in the day and he was totally messed up. This was the first time that this had come up in conversation in a loooooooomg time and I think the very first time that we had spoken about it with no awkwardness, weirdness or emotion. 

After we had finished chatting, I looked at him and said; "sometimes I still feel bad about that, it got really messy really quickly and I'm really sorry" He then looked at me and said, "it's all good now - we're friends" and I was like,  "Yes, we're friends now"

When I got home I was looking at my noticeboard and I saw the picture of Terri, myself and him on the notice board and underneath it I had stuck, "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them" Romans 8:28.  I then  realised that God had worked the good in a really messy and bought healing - complete healing to a friendship that had pretty much been destroyed.

I then went for a run and I was thinking about all of this and how God has healed our friendship, I was just blown away at how God was still working - waaaaaay in the background while we were carrying on with our lives.

xKx

Hardest part of ministry

At the end of Gap last night I realised what the hardest part of ministry is for me. It's not being able to give each child 100% of my attention all the time.

There are about 12 kids who come to Gap regularly and they all want attention, some more than others. I wish that it was possible to give each kid all of my attention and share Jesus's love with each one all the time. I know that it's not possible to do this, but I wish there was an alternative option that was possible for me to do at the moment that would enable me to spend one on one time with kid.

xKx

a relaxed weekend

This weekend felt like the first real weekend I've had in a while. I had the opportunity to sleep late both on Saturday and Sunday. Most of the time my weekend comprises of early starts and go-go-go until I fall into bed on a Sunday saying, “Sjoe, I need a weekend to recover from my weekend”. It's not that I don't like the early starts, meeting people and doing things, but lately I've been feeling overwhelmed and exhausted from all the crazy. I felt like I needed a break from everything – and this weekend kind of gave me that “break” and I somehow feel recharged.

On Saturday morning Noo had to do some work so we never headed out for our 7am cycle. He worked and I had the chance to sleep late before popping over the mountain to help him pack CD's into envelopes. 

We then headed down to the Valley Church Arts and Craft Market. The ladies in our church got together to make things, (mosaics, crochet, cross-stitch, pottery) to build community among the women and then with the stuff that was made they held a market to raise funds for the building fund. It was super awesome, the things that were made were on a professional level. I think that this was an awesome idea to build community among the women in our church and possibly creating a way to build community in the greater community.  We're having another market next week, hopefully more people from Hout Bay come and Godly conversations are started and people are able to conenct over some tea and something yummy to eat while shopping at the market. 

After the market Noo and I went to Pure at the Manor Hotel for their R75 burger special. It was really nice to sit in the sun, (getting burnt to a crisp) and talking and really connecting. We'd been super busy with family things that we hadn't really had time to connect. We also had a chance to connect in the afternoon after napping and it kind of was the best part of Saturday. Just talking and seeing where we're at with things. The plan for the afternoon did include a cycle, but we lost motivation and went to buy new wheels for Dave and a water bottle holder and bottle for me.  Saturday ended with a movie with Bruce and Robyn, which was suprising good for a thriller, something I wouldn't normally watch. 

Sunday bought a girls adventure my way when Ree, Z and I decided to go to the Kamersvol Geskenke market out in Stellenbosch. We shopped up a storm, well a little one, ate some good food, shared some laugher, chitter chattered. While walking around the stalls we discovered a few things we could even attempt to make, instead of paying the high prices for them.  I really enjoyed today and conencting with my girls again - it felt like a while since we had done a girly thing or even gone on an adventure.

Sunday evening was filled with finding some order in my bedroom, a spot of gardening and chatting to my parents. All in all, this weeked was bliss - relazing, connecting, good food, shopping, adventures and some time at home with my love, my friends and family. 

xKx

Revenge... A dish best not served

Yesterday morning I had the perfect opportunity to walk up to some and be like, "YOU WERE WRONG!" but I listened to the small voice inside of me and chose to just turn around and not act on impulse.

I went into Knead to waste some money on some really good coffee and while I was waiting for my coffee I saw someone I once knew.... "the doorman" as my friends have nicknamed him., I don't really know why but let's go with it.  The doorman is a guy I used to date,  like a lifetime ago, when we eventually broke up for real and it was really over things got uber nasty between us and he said to me that I would never ever find someone to love me again or have anyone want to marry me. 

So... when I saw him sitting there I was tempted to walk up to him and flash my ring in his face and be like.. "So I got engaged" I thought about the logistics of walking up to him and standing awkwardly by the table and saying hi and all that and the big part of taking revenge and flaunting the fact I got engaged in his face and I just thought that it wouldn't be worth it in the end.

I did the right thing and turned around, turned around and picked up the newspaper to read while I waited for my coffee. I even said a quick prayer that he wouldn't see me so that all awkwardness and revenge bitchiness could be avoided.

When I walked out of Knead, I thought about how that door has been closed shut by God and The doorman is just another person who lives in this world who I may pass once or twice in life.

xKx

I pick you

On Friday, 1 November David asked me to marry him. This is how it happened...

We went for a picnic up chappies to watch the sunset. The wind was blowing like crazy, when we got to the top we climbed over the rail and walked down a few rocks to a cave.  Dave told me that it was holiday cave.  As we were walking towards the top of Chappies, I said to Dave, "it would be cool if we saw a whale" and literally after sitting there for 20 minutes I saw a puff blow up and then we saw a whale. It was soooooo cool!!!  When we got to the cave, we had some wine and had communion together before making sandwiches.  

Looking back now, I am sooo glad that we had communion together before Dave proposed, it was kind of like saying "Hi God, you're totally apart of this and we thank you for what you've done for us"

After a bit, Dave started telling me how cavemen, when they want to impress a girl they show them something clean to distract them from the fact that they are dirty. Some cavemen would show a women a leaf, or a pond or a cave, like this one. (I thought we were having one of those random conversations that we have about nothing in particular, but are lots of fun anyway) 

Dave then said to me, as his voice changed and I realised that he was getting serious... "Male penguins, when they choose a mate they take them a stone and if the female penguin accepts it then she becomes his mate for life." Dave then said to, "I have a stone I want you to look at." He then took a ring out of his pocket, got down on one knee and said, "I picky you, will you marry me?" and I was like "YES!!!!"

I gave Dave an infinity amount of points afterwards... I am soooooo lucky and blessed that God chose Dave for me to marry and I really can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

xKx

Hope

The other day I realised that the only reason we have hope is because of God.  Everyone has hope for something or in something, but a hope that gives us confidence and peace is a hope that results from something that is constant.

What is hope?

Hope according to an online dictionary, hope is a feeling or desire of expectation and desire for something particular to happen. Hope is also a feeling of trust. 

Just to go round in circles for a bit, when we have hope we're trusting in something, (an object, an event, something happening) or in someone, (a person or God).  When we place our trust in something or someone we are not always guaranteed that that thing won't break or that person won't be faithful and then leave us broken, hopeless and hurt.  There is however one person who is faithful no matter what and that person is God. He is ALWAYS faithful. Hebrews 6:13- 19 says

"When God made his promise to Abraham, since there was no one greater for him to swear by, he swore by himself, ¹⁴ saying, “I will surely bless you and give you many descendants.” ¹⁵ And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised. ¹⁶ People swear by someone greater than themselves, and the oath confirms what is said and puts an end to all argument. ¹⁷ Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath. ¹⁸ God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged. ¹⁹ We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.

The highlighted section is the who reason we're able to have hope, it's because God can't lie and he is unchangeable. He is always faithful, meaning we can be secure in Him and have peace.

To sum up my thinking...

We have hope because of God and who he is. Without him we don't have hope.

The really scary thing is that there are MILLIONS of people out there who are either not a Christian or haven't heard about Jesus. Where are they placing their hope? In other Gods? Idols? Things? People? Do they even have peace and confidence in what they are hoping for in the future?  Are they getting hurt because they are let down by all these things?

This kind of encourages me to go out and tell the world about Jesus - to shine my light so that people can come to know Jesus and to discover the wonderful peace that comes from placing our hope in Him and not people or things.

xKx

Beauty

I'm pretty drawn by beauty. When I say beauty I don't mean material beauty, I mean way more than that.  I love pretty things but there's nothing that compares to  getting a glimpse of beauty around us.  Lately I've become more aware of the beauty around me and in the world I live in, it's almost like my eyes have been opened and I'm seeing everything for the first time.

When I walk down the street and I see the clouds in the sky with the early morning sun shining through and the sky is almost golden yellow from the rising sun, that is beauty. It makes me go "wow" almost every single morning when I see it.  The way the setting sun makes the ocean look super blue, that's also SUPER beautiful.  A flower growing on the side of the road, a baby duck learning to swim, a child holding their mothers hand and talking animatedly and they mother looking down with interest, a new sprout of growth on a tree... These are a few of the things that give me a glimpse of the immense beauty that God has created around us and it blows me away. 

Every day God paints a sunrise and a sunset to enjoy, he creates and has creates TONS of beautiful things that we really should be looking at daily. When I walk to walk or around Town at lunch I look around, often very distracted by what I can see and the beauty around that I walk in to poles... but there isn't s moment when I don't see the beauty around me because I actively look for it. 

I never ever want to stop seeing beauty in the world....

xKx

a few things that I like

I was doing some reflecting about myself now. The main question I was trying to answer was, "What do I like?" Normally, I answer that with good food, sunflowers, laughter, ice-cream and bubbles.... but I really think that there is more than that.

So what do I like/love...

Romance in all forms. Pinks, hearts, flowers, lace, a romantic evening out, candle light, "girly things". I also really like vintage things, these things kind of link to romantic things because it's all about florals, lace and sigh..... it's so beautiful.

Picnics. There's something about sandwiches, fruit and outdoors that I love about picnics. I really think this is one of my favourite things to do with people, besides drink tea and have tea parties.

Hearts. I love hearts. Wire hearts. plastic hearts. paper hearts. flower hearts. ALL types of hearts.

Cooking and baking more than I love eating good food. There's something about creating something yummy for other people that makes my heart smile.

Hugs.  A hug can make you feel better, it can show love, it comforts when words can't.

Swings.  I have developed a liking for swings.

Sunsets and Sunrises. I don't have a preference, the one welcomes the day with beauty and the one ends your day off with beauty.

....mmmm I think I need to think of a few more likes/loves.

xKx 

Letting Go

One of the things that I struggle with the most in walk with God is letting go.

I think this is the hardest thing for me to do, and I think it stems from the fact that I have a deep need to be in control of EVERYTHING. There have been countless things over the past few years where God has asked me to let go of things such as relationships, friendships, dreams, material stuff, etc.  Each time He tells me to let it go there's generally a battle between us and then gradually I surrender control over to Him.  Often it's a draining process for me, because I fight God every step of the way, drag my feet and hold on to the corner of the thing until I just give up and surrender it. This normally occurs after a few "angry words" and A LOT of tears. One thing I have learnt through this traumatic process is that life is so much better when we just let go of the things we hold onto and let God have them. 

So why does God want us to let go of things?

Idols

MOST of the time we need to let go of something because we've turned it into an idol. It's become something or someone who is more important to us than God. We become totally fixated on that thing, person or relationship and care more about it, or opinion etc. of the person than God and what He thinks.  We somehow get so wrapped up in the thing, that we forget God in a way. 

In Leviticus in the bible, God says that we shouldn't have idols. It also tells us that God is a jealous God. He doesn't want us to worship anything or anyone other than him. When we make something or someone more important than Him, that's what we do.

When we create an idol, God often shakes it and asks us to let it go.

Control

God wants to be in control and He wants the glory for something. When we hold onto control and try to control the outcome, often it goes pear shaped and not how God wants it turn out.

God often tells us to let go of control so that He can work in the situation and do what he wants to do.

my musings...

People often say that hind sight is 20:20, or whatever the expression is and it's so true.  When I've let go of the idol or surrendered control over to God things often improve.  I've also discovered that it allows God to work and turn that situation out for our good. I've also learnt that letting go of friendships or relationships doesn't always mean it's over and you can't be their friend, it just means that God wants to do something new and different - often making the friendship/relationship stronger and way better.  I've also learnt from letting go that God does really have something better in store for you, something cooler, more awesome and greater than you can possibly imagine or comprehend.

I think I can honestly say that letting go of what God tells you to let go of is generally the best option.

xKx

Daddy... when did you get so old?

For a while now I've been wanting to do a post on righteousness and one on standing on the truth. I keep putting it off, but really all I need to do is sit down and type out my thoughts.  While I was driving home from Dave now, I thought "I must write at least one of these when I get home" I had decided on the righteousness one... but when I walked through the front door and saw my dad and his friend Colin sitting there my thought of what I would blog about changed.

I looked at my dad and at Colin and thought, "WOW! When did they get so old?" I then let my mind drift for a bit, as I slipped into a realm of memories. I remember when I was little and we would go and visit Colin and have braai's my with them. I thought about how brother and I stayed over there one night.  I thought about my dad and how he was always busy doing things we were younger, fixing things, working in the garden, on his car, building things and playing golf.  I thought about how he was so full life and how nothing seemed to bother him.

When I look at my dad now, I see a frail man, who is less than full of life. He's gone from being my hero, the man in my life who could conquer the world and protect me from all monsters and bad things to a really old man.  It scares me a little bit to see him like this. It also scares me because it feels like he got really old, very quickly but I know it's been gradual over the past few days.  I'm also really scared that he is going to die soon, like a lot sooner than we think.  I know that everyone has a time a time to die and we die eventually. It even says in the bible, "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens^:

a time to be born and a time to die", (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2). I also know that God is control of when we die and all that BUT at the end of the day it's still scary.

It's funny how when you're little you imagine that your parents will be around for forever, but the older you get the more you let that go as you come to the realisation that, that is so not true.  I think it's a tough thing to grapple with and come to terms with.  I try not to be scared or to worry about my dad dying, and to trust God with everything linked to it and some days are better than others. 

mmmm... I guess I'll have to blog about righteousness and standing on truth another day. 

xKx

Public Transport

I've come to the conclusion that if you take public transport you HAVE to be considerate of the other people who also need to take public transport.  You can not be selfish and take up all the space or block the way of other commuters from getting to a seat or having a place to stand or blocking the way of people getting on and off the train/taxi or bus.

I use public transport because parking in Town is ridiculous, traffic is horrible and the petrol price is sky high , so for me taking the train just makes sense.  I also take a taxi from the station to work after work back to the station.


Trains

Z, who often takes the train with me to work and home agrees with me that people who take the train need to follow some kind of etiquette.  People who have HUGE backpacks should take them off when getting on the train so that they don't bash everyone around with it, especially when the train is full.  The funny thing that always happens is that after they have bashed someone a couple of times, that person gets annoyed and pushes them. They then turn around as if to say, can I help you.  This is normally followed with a grumpy, 'take off your back pack" and a few more people getting bashed around.   Another pet peeve about taking trains is how they get SUPER full. What I really don't understand is why people have  to try and squish into a train when it is already about to explode because it's so full... and then we have the people who take a running leap into super full trains crushing everyone in their way.  This has happened a few time.

When people need to get off the train when the train is full... this is another situation that makes people REALLY angry. I understand that when the train is super full, you can't move anywhere so it's virtually impossible to let someone past you so they can get out.  This is where people need to think and realise that the only possible thing to do is get off, let the people out and then get back on.  People get super angry when they can't get off the train, they shove, push and bash people. I think getting off and letting then off is a better option.  All that happens if that more people get angry.

Windows is another pet peeve and how no one opens them, but that's another blog post all together.

Taxi's

I never had a big issue with taxi's until recently. Normally people are pretty nice and move so you're not blocked in and can get out, but recently this has changed.  Two mornings in a row a lady refused to get off the taxi to let myself and someone else get off. We had to literally climb over her. We were sitting in the back seat and she was in the chair that lifts up to let the people out, so obviously she had to get off and back in.  She did not do this and then got annoyed with us when we climbed over her and our bums went into her face, or our bags knocked her. I was like really, you can't get upset about that when you should have moved.

I think yesterday took the cake in taxi travelling and inconsiderate people though.  Myself and another lady got onto the taxi and had to go and sit at the back. Two people were already there and wouldn't move over to let us sit there, they just sat there blocking the way to the far back corner. While I was asking them to move, which the ignored the taxi driver shot off and I went flying into the guy blocking the way. Hands landed inappropriate and things got squashed. He then got angry with me for falling on him.  I just looked at him and said, you could have moved over and I wouldn't have fallen onto you.  The lady who got on with me, looked at him and said the same thing as we climbed over him. We also had to climb over the lady sitting next to him, who got annoyed because our arms were going into her face and we were toppling over because the taxi was going at full speed down the road.  When I eventually got to sit down, I was like "sjoe - people need to think of other people. I totally get that sitting in the back isn't the best seat, but you are not the only person on the taxi and there are other people who need to sit there as well."

It doesn't take a lot for  someone to be considerate of the other people around them and move over or be polite. Often people shout at the taxi driver over silly things, when they should be saying thank you for the lift.  What happened to "treating people how you want to be treated"?  Have people become so self involved and selfish that it's all about them, where they want to sit, where they want to go and how they want things to be?  What happened to manners, politeness, respect and consideration of other people? 

Using public transport often irritates me and makes me angry, but I never shout at the driver or the people around me. I always ask them to move before I have a hundred canaries because they're annoy me. There are plenty of times when I want to bash someone with my bag or snap at them, but I don't because everyone needs to be shown a little bit of grace every now and again and I certainly wouldn't want someone to bash me around, if I was in the way.

xKx

 

I finally found it

After a year of wanting Beacon Turkish Delight I finally found some.  About a year ago I wanted Turkish Delight, but not any Turkish Delight but the Beacon kind that comes wrapped in little individual wrappers. I looked EVERYWHERE for it but couldn't find it I eventually gave up on my search.  I may have given up on actively searching but deep down I always wanted it and would "look" in shops for it.

Yesterday the craving was satisfied!  I went in to this little farm stall/café/convenience store in Stellenbosch while Dave was putting in petrol, and there on the shelf was a packet of Beacon Turkish Delight.  I had to have it, so I quickly picked up a packet and went to pay for it.

Noo and I waited until we finished our coffee before we ate the first tasty one... and it was sooooo good.

Waiting this long to find it and sharing it with Noo was totally worth the wait.

xKx

I Think God Knew...

This morning I got this in my inbox... The past few days... weeks really have been a little hectic and I kind of feel like I'm in the middle of a GIANT storm. I think God knew I needed a little encouragement... He's AWESOME like that!

I Will Calm the Storm in You

My Beloved,

I know it appears there is much to fear in this world and I see the secret fears of your heart, My love. When you are fearful of the storms that rage in this life, hear Me whisper, "Be still and know that I am with you."

Close your eyes and call out to Me for I am your Prince of Peace and I will calm the storm inside your soul. Every time you allow me to navigate your life, you will be reminded that I am your Captain. You can count on Me.

I made the seas and I am your Lighthouse when you need be to find your way out of fear and onto the rock of  faith. You don't have to fear I am navigating you all the way home...to Me.

Love,

Your Prince of Peace...Jesus

"He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed." Psalm 107:29 NIV

 

From Freedom For His Princess by Sheri Rose Shepherd.

 

 

 

Armour Fun

Dave suited up

Last week at Gap we went through the Armour of God - this seems to be a running theme in my life at the moment.  I asked Dave Oxley, one of the elders to come and share his story with the kids, which I almost forgot to ask him to do in all the excitement.  The Armour of God is one of my favourite sections in the bible and I LOVE to teach it because there is so much you can do with it. 

Huggi and I ready for battle

As I described each piece of the armour I got Dave to put on a piece of it until he was fully dressed in the armour.  He was a little bit confused about the pink slippers as the "shoes of the gospel of peace", but he went with it.   After I had described the armour I gave an illustration of putting two naartjies in a jug of water.  With their peels on the float, I then started peeling the one and saying, "he forgot his helmet today, he forgot his belt this day..." until it was completely peeled.  Once peeled the naartjie sinks.  I then explained how without the armour of God we drown in the craziness of our worlds and that we need God and his armour to keep floating and walking through life.  

After the talk the kids got a chance to make armour for Huggi and myself.  The boys were horrified that i took the slippers and used them as my shoes and the girls never made shoes. they refused to listen to my reasoning of there being four boys against one girl and were convinced that we cheated

With the designers

lies VS truth

 

The past few days.. well week has been a tough one where my mind has been filled with lies from the devil that I'm ugly and fat and all those other things that kind of destroy your confidence, self image and self worth.

 

This morning I was like "this has to stop", so I remembered some of things God says about us in the bible and I thought, "Yes! I'm going to stand on these truths instead of the lies'

Sparky Larks

Taking a break during a walk on the beach

Yesterday when I got home from work my parental units asked me to sit down when I walked through the front door. They then told me that they had put Sparky down.  At first I thought it was a joke because she was fine yesterday morning when I got up.  She was running around like normal and had eaten my left over oats. 

When I asked why, my dad told me that she had been having seizures and when my mom went to help her she bit her.   My dad told my mom to take her to the vet and they had her put  down.

I got Sparky for my 16th birthday and I honestly think she's been the best dog EVER!

Sparky was a corgi cross with a lot of personality. I often called her "The Queen" because she thought she was in charge of everyone and that she was the best. She acted more and more like a queen the older she got. She barked at everything almost all of the time.  She was scared of almost everything and everyone when we went for walks. She would pretend to be brave, but as soon as another dog came up to her or a person she would run for miles without looking back. After a few sprints down the beach after her, I decided it was time to keep her on her lead during walks. She would then look up at me as if to say, "Please unclip the lead" and I was like "no".  I'm going to miss taking her for walks.



In bed

It was strange waking up this morning and she wasn't in her bed next to mine. It was also strange to have no dog barge into the bathroom with you when you or come and sit and wait for oats while growling at the other two.

I think it's going to take some getting used to before it no longer feels strange not to have Sparky around anymore.

High Tea at the Cape Grace

On Saturday we went to the Cape Grace Hotel for Afternoon Tea to celebrate Zulfa's birthday.  It was an afternoon of pure decadence spent with three beautiful ladies.



Zulfa, me, Rehana and Terri

Loose leaf tea drawing for 6 minutes

Afternoon Tea - Scones, Sandwiches, cakes, pudding and sweets

 

 

The Cream Tea - Four scones with cream, jam and lemon curd.

Loose Leaf Tea

The best friends a girl can have in the world!



 

Hot Chocolate

Emilio, Arthur and Oscar with their hot choclate in Vida

Today I took these three boys for hot chocolate after work. We arranged it a week ago that I would pick them up at the circle at the police station.  When I got to the circle they were ready and waiting for me.  While they climbed into my car they were all chirping, "why did you take so long." I laughed and said, "I'm on time" and they were like, "We've been waiting since 5pm." I laughed again and told them I said I'd pick you up at 5:30pm because I only finish work at 5pm. We then drove to Vida and the conversation flowed about my car and if it was fixed.

When we got to Vida, Emilo was hanging back and I asked him what was up, he asked if he had had to pay for the hot chocolate. I told him, no it's my treat. He then looked more concerned and asked me if it was expensive. I told him not to worry about it.  I was blown away by this. I totally did not expect that.

We made a mad dash in the rain to the entrance of Vida, ordered the hot chocolate and then had a wonderful hour filled with laughter and discussing whether my Adidas takkies were fake or real. After I got my mom to send me pictures, we established they were fakes but I was safe from judgement because I was me. This made me laugh, especially when they told me not to be sad because they are fake and I spent a lot of money on it.  We even had a moment of serious talk when Oscar asked what it means to have Jesus in your heart. The conversation swirled around that for about 10 minutes before more laughter followed caused by Arthur sharing something funny.

The one thing I never planned on was the sugar rush that would follow... especially with Gap being right after out hot chocolate hour. They were on a super sugar rush, but so were all the other kids.  I think Huggi and I did well in zoning in their attention and using their energy constructively.

At the end of Gap we were doing prayer requests and Oscar's request for Jesus to come into his heart. He said he'll pray it when we go around the circle.  Huggi and I started prayer and then some of the kids prayed and the Oscar asked Jesus into his heart. It was an incredible moment. God is totally awesome and works in crazy ways, and tonight Oscar opened his heart up to God. 

I really enjoyed spending time with the Gap boys this evening. It was a lot of fun and I feel super blessed by them. I also feel super blessed after Gap tonight, God did something in the crazy.

xKx

I put my armour on

This morning while I drove to work I was still feeling pretty despondent,  my mind was a hundred miles away as I let my thoughts go to places they shouldn't go and I "moped" at the thought of going to work.  When I parked my car outside the building I looked up  at it and sighed before I took out my bible and devotional.

My devotional was on how God is our refuge and our strength, Psalm 41:6  "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble"

I sat thinking about that verse and what it means, especially the words refuge and strength.  I then prayed through it and gave up the fight of being at work and let God take over - I asked him to be my strength for today.  I also knew that without him there was no way I was going to be able to make it through today. 

After being at work for a bit, I started to feel despondent again and I smsed Tree to pray for me.  I then thought - "Why don't I put my armour on?"  So I quietly and quickly prayed the armour of God.  I remembered how when I do this it helps me refocus on God and to just stop focusing on how despondent or sucky I feel and to remember that I'm not in this alone, but that God is with me. 

It has helped, I'm not feeling as despondent as before and I'm leaning into God to get me through this "phase" at work.  I'm also ready for whatever comes my way because I have my armour on and God is with me. 

xKx 

Feeling a litte despondent

The past few weeks at work have been pretty tough.. and it's hard to keep shining Gods light when there is a certain person in my office who belittles me, shouts at me when I ask questions, when I get things wrong. He speaks to me like I'm stupid and treats me almost like a child. 

I really try to keep being nice and polite to him, I don't always get it right and roll my eyes when he's talking to me - especially when he speaks to me like I'm two years old and really stupid.  It's been getting super hard to just love him like Jesus would want me to love him and to show him grace, patience and kindness.  

It's getting harder to pray for him because I'm so angry and bitter towards him. I try to give it to God, but then I come to work and he's mean and it starts all over again. 

Today I kind of had enough and was like I'm over this.  He asked me to set up a meeting and I asked him if it should be at our offices or theirs and he shouted, "I don't know, I don't know, it's not my job" without looking at me.  I looked at him calmly, even though I literally wanted to punch him and shout "YOU ASKED ME TO SET UP THE MEETING" and said, "I'll set it up for our offices".  I then walked back to my desk and emailed everyone.  As I walked back to my desk, I was like "I'm done. I don't want to be nice to you anymore and I won't" He came up to later to ask me to send something for printing and I never looked up from the filing I was doing and just said yes.  When he asked what he had on his calendar, I looked and told him as plainly as possible. 

I know as a Christian I need to be shining God's light and loving people - but I really don't know how to do it with him. I try and be nice and he keeps being mean, some days on a whole new level.  A few minutes a go, well half an hour ago I decided to pray because I was so angry.  I just told God how I was feeling and how I give up.  I told him how this one person makes me feel so despondent about coming to work and being here. I told God how I don't think I can do this being nice and loving thing anymore. 

And then God was like...

 

He then gently reminded me that He is in control, he's my strength and refuge. He can renew my despondency and give me hope again. He can show me how to keep loving, showing grace and practicing patience. 

 

And I was like...

 

YIP!

 

Working here is hard at times, but God has put me here for such a time as this.  I just need to refocus on Him and let him relight the fire so I can keep shining.

 

xKx

Faith, Hope, The Bridge, Misuderstanding and then I got it...

We've just started working through a small group study by Andy Stanley called Faith, Hope and Luck.  Last night Andy was defining faith and it kind of made me hit a "wobbly" and really mess with my head.

When it comes to explaining what faith is most Christians quote Hebrews 11.1 "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." My basic understanding of faith was that faith is believing that God is going to do what he says he is going to do, because He is faithful, trustworthy and doesn't break His promises.  

Andy explained that between hope and faith there is a bridge between hope and faith.  First he explained hope as something that we would like to happen, by using the analogy of calling someone to ask if they want to have lunch with. He hoped they would meet him for lunch, (something he would like to happen), but to have faith that they were going to meet him for lunch something needed to happen.  The person had to call back and say they were going to meet you for lunch.  If they never did this, there was not “promise”, meaning that you did not have a guaranteed outcome.  Hope, as I understand, is therefore an outcome that you desire.   

Andy then defined Faith as being certain of who God is and being certain that what He says is going to happen, will happen.  This is where the paw-paw hit the fan for me last night.  I then totally freaked out and was like, "if you're being certain of who God is and that he'll do what he says he will do, then you can't link it to personal promises God makes to you."  I can have faith that God will provide, heal etc. because that is who he is and he does that.  When it came to God promising something to you like being a missionary, or who you'll marry or what you'll do with your life  because there isn't a certain outcome  because t can be influenced by sin, bad choices, other people etc., so you can only hope that will happen because you can make bad choices. I was really stuck on this and felt like it was pointless having faith in something that wasn't guaranteed and could change, in other words something that wasn't guaranteed.  I couldn't see past my confusion, or my heightened emotions  because of this.  I was just stuck and it never made sense to me, and the more I tried to explain how I understood it, the more worked up I got and the more frustrated I got.  It literally felt like I was going to explode and I couldn't process anything.


....BUT then this morning I had a light bulb moment while I was brushing my teeth and it all made sense.  I started to think about it again and I broke it down.  Faith is being certain of who God is. 

I know who God is, he's good, faithful, powerful, in control, trustworthy etc. 

The second half is knowing that God will do what he says he is going to do. 

We know that God will do what he says he will do, because of who He is and not because of the outcome.  I can have faith that God will do what he says he will do because of who He is.  

After I had that thought the light bulb went on and I was like, "Oh". We have faith in God and NOT the situation. We place our faith in God and not the outcome.  I was looking at the outcome and saying, if it's not guaranteed then why have faith.  That's wrong, that's basing my faith on the situation and not God.  God determines the outcome, he knows what is good for us and he always works the good for us.   We shouldn't let our faith be determined by the outcome or the promise made to us. Our faith needs to be and has to be in God.

.... So after all the emotion and a good nights sleep I was finally able to understand and see the light.

xKx

 

Things that require commitment

This morning I was thinking about the numerous things in my life that requires commitment. I then got the giggles as I thought of all the silly things that I commit to and ended up laughing rather loudly as I walked up to work.

Here are a four things in m y life that require me to commit to before I do them...

1. A Bubble Bath

When I want to have a bubble bath, I really need to commit to it.  A bath is not something that takes 5 minutes, it's a loooong process of relaxing.  You need to commit to taking the time out of your day - at least an hour to just have a bath. It's also a waste of water to soak for less than that.




2. A Loyalty Card

I LOVE loyalty cards, but I have had to limit the amount of cards that I have. I currently only have a Kauai and Vida e Café one.  Choosing which loyalty card requires commitment because you're committing to getting coffee of smoothies from only one place.  My commitment to Vida is lacking and is moving towards Knead. Their late's are R5 cheaper then Vida and nicer. I also saw that they have a loyalty card... I shall have to think about this A LOT before I decide to commit to Knead.



3. Early Morning Hike

 An early morning hike requires a LARGE amount of commitment.  I love to snooze and I could easily snooze way past the early morning hike start time.  I need to be committed and dedicated to this for  it to happen in my life.  I need to be so committed that I have packed my snack and water bottle the night before and have everything ready at the door for me in the morning. If this is not in place, I haven't committed and the chance of it happening are pretty slim.





4. Running

I really enjoy running... once I start and get into it again. Starting the run is the hardest part.  For me to actually go for a run I need to commit to it at lunch time already.  Today I have committed to going for a run after work.  I have smsed my mom and told her, I have prepped myself mentally for the run and I'm pretty amped. I also haven't been for a run in a week, so I need to amp myself up and commit a lot more than usual. 




I'm pretty sure I can think of more.. baking cupcakes - you need to ice them and that takes forever so you need to commit to that, getting out of bed on an early morning in winter... oooohhh.. I think I could go on but I'll stop.