He Calls Me Beautiful

A while ago I posted a blog titled, "When did it become ok to tell someone they've gotten fat?". The whole thing of how people call us fat or ugly has really been bugging me lately because that is not who God says we are and it makes me REALLY angry how people and their comments steal that away from us. Before I go off on a tangent let me get to the point of this post...



A while ago when Terri, my best friend was leading worship she asked us to think about  what makes God sad. I clearly heard a voice say to me "when you call yourself fat" I quickly brushed it away and was like whatever and carried on with worship.   The next morning during my quiet time God  quietly nudged me on the shoulder and was like, so about yesterday... and I was like really must we go there?  If I remember correctly I think I was at my lowest when it came to my self image. I really and truly believed I as fat and ugly all because of a few comments I had heard and taken to heart and when my pants got a bit tighter the lie took root. I can't even explain how it got so bad, but it really felt like I was in a black hole. David would tell me I'm beautiful and I wouldn't believe him, I'd even get annoyed he was telling me this because I was like don't you see what I see? I had friends who told me that I was pretty but it never helped because the belief I had put in the lie was so much greater and all consuming. When God gently nudged me that Monday morning it was kind of like the light shone into the dark pit and I started to let God in... and He really did some work. He went to that place in my heart that was hurt and he beat up the lies in my head and I chose Him in the situation. I chose to let Him in and I started to listen to who he says I am and what he says about me. I'm not saying that everything is good and well now and God has fixed everything, what I am saying is that the battle is a lot better than it was. I'm no longer in a GIANT pit of darkness and on most days I can look in mirror and not have negative thoughts, but it's still a choice when I see myself in the mirror... am I going to let that negative thought enter or not?



 When I let God in He was gentle and told me to stop thinking all the negative thoughts all they do is feed the darkness in your head. This was a lot harder than I thought, but in that moment I chose to not think like that anymore. Some days I get it wrong and have a "fat day/negative thinking day" but I think on a scale of  10, I'm getting 6 out of 10 at the moment.  When I start heading back to the  dark pit I just  remember all the things God says about me and I look it up in the bible, as well as say and pray it to chase the negative thoughts away.




xKx