Marriage is NOT about You

A couple of days I was chatting to someone in the office about how they sent me a blog post before I was married titled "Marriage is not for you" and how I had been reminded of this that week, "A little lesson I learnt this week..."A little lesson I learnt this week... " .


This morning as I was scrolling through Pinterest and procrastinating I stumbled on the post  - http://www.arkinthedesert.com/marriage/the-best-marriage-advice


I recommend giving it a read, it's pretty long so grab some tea and a cupcake before starting. It's one of the best pieces of marriage advise I have ever received.

xKx

Who knew you could still experience peer presure at 29?

On Saturday it was a friends kitchen tea and bachelorette day. We planned to have champagne for the kitchen tea and then later we went out for dinner with her, which also involved cocktails.


During the kitchen tea, one of the bridesmaids made a comment about getting non alcoholic and how no one drank it. I said to her that there were one people drinking it and I was one of them. She then asked why I wasn't drinking and I told her I don't like driving after a drink. She then went on about it's only one drink and I was like, no, not for me. I get affected by it straight away. She then said there's still tonight. I then said, I also won't be drinking then. Which then led to more comments about taking it easy on the water later. I just rolled my eyes and walked away.


Much later in the evening when we got to the restaurant for dinner, more chips were made about me not drinking which was ok to a point but the thing that really bugged me was how the waiter jumped on the band wagon when I ordered a virgin mojito. He went on about having a drink because it's the 'bride to be's' last night of fun etc and I was like, "that's her not me". When he bought the drink he said, "this it for the virgin" The table went a bit quite, I took my drink and said, "I'm married there would be something wrong if that was true". He looked at me and said, "that never came out right."


As he walked off, I was like who do you think you are trying to pressurise people into drinking. He doesn't know the my story or why I was choosing not to drink. I then though about how many other people go out with the intention not to drink but then because they don't want to be lame, or the odd one out they end up having a drink and then 'boom" they're in an accident.


This whole experience made me feel a little like the odd one out amongst the bridesmaids, but also took me back to my young adult days when I would give into peer pressure and have a drink because I never wanted to look lame. It's so silly to think about it now, but all those feelings came rushing back to me and I felt a bit like a loser for a brief second. I then shook my head and thought, I'm a powerful person and I'm taking responsibility for myself and I choose not to drink.


I really never thought I would still experience peer pressure at the age of 29... I thought we were past it.

xKx

A little lesson I learnt this week.

David and I have been married for almost 1 year and 9 months - WOW! The time flies! I think we need to have some champagne and celebrate 1 year and three quarters.... but let me get back to the point...

One of the biggest things that I have been learning in my marriage is how it's not all about me and what I want. Its more about showing grace and loving like Jesus which is unconditional.This lesson kind of hit home this week. This week has been kind of rough in the sense that it was hectic because I started a new course and had quite a bit to still prepare for a friends kitchen tea when it came to making décor and getting it printed. Somewhere in all the prep for the kitchen tea I lost sight of what it was really about and started to focus on getting everything 100% perfect. When things were not going as planned I kind of snapped and was not the greatest person to be around - especially when I showed very little grace to David when he had taken time off from work to get stuff printed for me and to help me design the things I wanted to make etc. This desire to get everything right didn't really help when I then started seeing everything through the glasses of nothing is right in the world. I really can be nasty and ungracious when I wear these glasses.

Last night after another rant of nothing is working how I want it to work and finally completing everything except the baking part for the kitchen tea and most of the second unit of my course, I kind of had a revelation. I realised that I had been an absolute cow towards David this week. I had been unappreciative of how much time he had spent helping me. Not only had he printed stuff,  helped me design stuff, cleaned the house and helped me with my course he also put up with all my moaning and hysteria when things were not as I wanted. He also sat up with me while I worked and then spent time listening to me before we went to sleep so we could connect in all the crazy. I was treating him like he was the biggest jerk on the planet this week instead of being grateful that I married someone who supports everything I do and is willing to help with it. After I realised this I went to David and apologised to being so mean this week and for loosing sight of the bigger picture by focusing on everything being perfect.

When I got to work this morning I saw a link to a post called "The best Marriage Advice I Ever Heard" by The Dating Divas and it kind fit into what I had gone through this week. I read the article before, but it was such a good reminder to read today. Basically the advise this lady heard at her kitchen tea was to remember that she hadn't married a jerk... which is kind of what I needed to be reminded of this week. After I read this article I sat and thought about it and then prayed about my heart. I then thought about how I am really grateful that I have married someone who just kept on loving me and showing me grace this week even though I was pretty unlovable and probably needed a smack.

(Noo, if you are reading this thank you for being the most amazing Jesus shining person I know - who kept on being SO gracious towards me and still loving me even though I was pretty impossible this week!)

xKx



Family Weekend Away

We went on a mini family holiday with my mom and brother this past weekend. On Friday afternoon we all piled into the car and headed for Franskraal.

As soon as we arrived we headed for a swim in the ocean - the water was FREEZING and the late afternoon air is no longer as warm as a month ago, which is the small tell tale sign that Summer is almost over. David and my brother were hesitant to jump in to the ocean but after explaining that you can't go on holiday by the ocean and not swim they willingly participated it the swimming part.

Saturday was a bit gloomy weather wise, but we still packed a picnic and headed for Stanford to find the Saturday market before heading to the Klein River Cheese Farm. Once we got to the farm we tasted some yummy cheese before feeding the many farm animals. A highlight for me was feeding a cow and seeing the baby goat.

Lunch on Saturday was a picnic in the rain on the side of the road - we failed to find a picnic table along the road. We always see them until you want one.

When we headed back to Franskraal the weather cleared up and it was time for a swim in the sea - this time we braved the ocean via some rock pools and avoided the waves at the beach.

Sunday was a lazy morning spent sleeping in, drinking coffee and a beach walk before heading home after lunch.

 

 

 

 

All in all it was a GRAND weekend with my mom and brother. I really am blessed to have them in my life.

xKx

Buying make up...

Two weekends ago David and I popped into Tygervalley Mall to look for something. We "happened" to walk past a make up store when David said "you can get makeup for the wedding". His brother is getting married on 21 March and I need to get make up because I'm a bridesmaid. Make up really is not my thing.. I really don't have time to apply the stuff to my face and I also don't get the point of it... but yes, I do need to get some so I'm not a white blob or incredibly shiny in the photos.


We walked in to the shop, I was pretending to know what I'm doing when really I had no clue. A sales assistant asked if I needed help and I quickly said, "I'm just looking". Those ladies intimidate me with how they are so well made up. After a few minutes of "not knowing what I am doing..." David called over a sales assistant. She asked me what make up I usually use and I said, "this is it." and pointed at my naked face. I then explained I need to buy makeup for a wedding and would like to have my make up as natural as possible. I then showed her my make up on my wedding day. 20 minutes after showing her the picture she had literally recreated the natural look I had on my wedding day. I was like "WOW!"  It's a good thing David was watching to he can help me recreate the look....


She then put everything into the basket I had and added a couple of brushes and eye shadow putter on things and I was sent off to the till. R300 later - which I think is a pretty good deal compared to make up that comes with the 'labels" and I am now set for the wedding in two weeks time.


Now to practice putting all the make up on and what I plan to do with my hair and I'm sure the morning will go smoothly when it's time to get dressed up.

xKx

When did destruction become ok?

This morning when I woke up I heard on the radio how the students who were protesting at UCT about how there is not enough accommodation for students had set alight a Jammie Shuttle, (the bus UCT uses to transport students to different campus's), as well as set alight a car, burnt some paintings that were in two of the res's and stoned a bus. When I heard this I was completely shocked that people could do something like this. 


When did violence and vandalism become ok? When did setting things on fire and destroying things become ok as a method of proving a point or showing you disagree with something?


When I got to work this morning I saw this on News 24 http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/uct-to-suspend-protesting-students-will-file-criminal-charges-20160217


I really hope that UCT follows through with the criminal charges. They need to show the rest of the students that you can't go around destroying things because you don't like the way things currently are. I remember when I was still studying, like forever ago that if there wasn't space in res for someone they would rent an apartment, do flat share or move into a digs. I don't understand why students should demand res accommodation from the university, let alone be destructive about it. I also know for a fact if we did something like that we would have been expelled, which is also what I really hope UCT follows through with their threats - these students need to learn that they still have to respect things that don't belong to them even when they are protesting about something they don't like.

xKx

Valentines Day

When it comes to Valentines Day I often just roll my eyes and say it's a ridiculous day. Deep down I am a romantic at heart and I really do like doing romantic things and being swept off my feet by romance BUT when it comes to this day of the year I can't help but roll my eyes. The main reason I get irritated by this day is because it puts so much pressure on guys to perform on this day, to pull out all the stops to make their special girl feel extra special and loved. The shops are full of super expensive flowers, (why must they triple in price???), cards and chocolates. The radio and TV is full of adverts about taking your girlfriend or wife out to a restaurant for supper or going to the beach to watch the sunset ect. etc. What I think should be done on Valentines day is that if you want to celebrate it and do something to make your significant other feel loved and special is to do something that fills their love tank. Do something that they will like, listen to what they don't like about the day and then do something they would like and that makes them feel loved and fills their love tank.


This year David totally blew me away with what he had planned for Valentines day. He planned a picnic in our Garden and my favourite movie. He projected it onto a sheet hanging in the garden. The most special thing about this was that I felt like really heard me when I said I don't want to do what everyone else does for Valentines day. He also did something he wanted to do with me in our garden for a while. He also spoke right to my heart and filled my love tank by spending quality time with me.

 

 

I didn't plan something as wonderful as David planned. I booked a table at Rhodes Memorial because it was the place that it all began again for us four years ago. It's the place David chose when we went on our "first" date on 24 September 2012.

 

To sum up my Valentines day this year, I think it was the best ever!

xKx